literature

Where to?

Deviation Actions

DevianMONSTER's avatar
Published:
376 Views

Literature Text

So I’m on season 9 now, and I don’t know how to feel about Destiel anymore! Before I knew Castiel as a character, I shipped it so hard purely because of fanstuff, but then I was underwhelmed by the supposed sexual tension when I actually got to watching the episodes. But recently, with all the moments between those two in season 8 and 9, and after rewatching some older episodes with my best friend who is now also obsessed, I’m starting to ship it again, at least one sidedly. Man, Cas can’t stay away from Dean, but that doesn’t necessarily mean there are feelings there.
So to match my shipping confusion over these guys, this fanfic can be read as destiel fluff or purely a hurt/comfort between best friends.
I don’t own Supernatural, obviously.
This is set in the episode, “Heaven Can’t Wait”, after poor Cas’ “babysitting date.” They don’t show us what happens after this line, and the next day Dean drops Cas off from the impala, so this totally could have gone down (and something like it might have).
******Spoilers through season 9!!!******


“Where to, Cas?”
Cas shifted his gaze tiredly, slowly over to meet Dean’s, where it stayed firmly for a moment before the fallen angel used the last of his energy to open the impala door and close it behind him without responding. Dean inhaled, still standing outside the car on the other side, eyes absent mindedly on the house and a concerned expression still on his unchanged face.
Cas was having a rough time, that was for sure. And the poor bastard had probably just experienced the worst day of his life on Earth so far- literally- so this mood was understandable. Cas was practically radiating suffering, and Dean wished he could do something about it, but he honest to God had no idea where to even start with sentiments. Perhaps the biggest and most obvious of all was that Dean couldn’t tell him that it was gonna be okay, because even Cas knew how much a piece of bullcrap that was. It wasn’t going to be okay, not tonight, most likely not ever. And now he was going to drive a sad, lonely angel back to wherever he was staying after nearly getting smoked because- and once more, Dean was reminded how much of an asshole Cas must have thought he was- Dean had kicked him out of the bunker practically before he could even sit down at the table. He took one last sigh and then opened the car door, sliding into his seat and closing the door. He slotted the key into the ignition and then paused a moment. He glanced over at Cas.
“Hey, man, you wanna talk….?”
“Just drive, Dean.”
Cas’ voice was tight and his response blunt, and he didn’t turn to Dean as he spoke. He just stared out the front window. Dean’s eyes lingered on the other man’s empty expression for a moment before letting his gaze fall away slowly, nodding his head almost undetectably.
“Yeah, sure thing, Captain.”
He turned the keys and the engine revved to life, and as he pulled the car out into the street, he snuck one more look at Castiel in the mirror. The man’s tired blue eyes were still focusing on something invisible in the road, so Dean began to drive amidst the dead weight of silence that filled the car. After a minute, Dean turned his head to glance at Cas for a few seconds before he was forced to look back to the road. He tried to fake some lightness into his tone.
“So, uh… where we headed?”
There were a few seconds of quiet in which Dean thought maybe Cas either hadn’t registered the question or was intentionally ignoring him, but then he spoke with a voice so empty of life that it startled Dean.
“The gas station is fine.”
There was another interval of pause before Dean responded with another glance,
“Alright… But where do you sleep?”
Cas closed his eyes for a second, only to reopen them with the same leaden stare ahead.
“I said the gas station is fine, Dean.”
Dean watched Cas for another moment before returning his attention to the road without another word.
They drove like that for a while, Dean looking ahead, eyebrows set in a concerned and musing expression, eyes occasionally flickering to the side to get a glimpse of Cas, who was unchanged in every way. The man seemed to be seeing though the windshield, through the street signs, just…looking.
He looked done. That was the only word for it. His body was limp with exhaustion yet forcibly alert in his seat, but there was something new about it. His frame wasn’t as solid and perfect as it once had been. There was a human-like slouch to him now, a new imperfection. And he looked so beaten down.
It was about ten minutes before they reached the gas station and pulled to a stop before it. Dean leaned forward a little, squinting critically at the building.
“Well here we are.”
Cas’ eyes moved a little in a delayed reaction, not quite making it to Dean- as if the glove compartment were some sort of force field.
“Thank you.”
Dean was willing Cas to look at him at this point, leaning forward a little and fighting for Cas’ eye contact, but after a moment the fallen angel’s gaze flickered back across the dashboard and out the window to his right. He sat there looking at the dark building for a moment before opening the door and getting out.
Dean watched him take a few steps and sighed, looking back out the front of the windshield before uttering a low, “Damn it, Cas…” and getting out as well.
“Hey, man, wait…”, he called out as the door squealed open and he stood up outside, looking at Cas’ back across the impala’s roof.
Cas stopped, but he didn’t turn around.
“You gonna sleep in here? In the gas station?”
There was no response for a moment, and then came the quiet response.
“It’s all I have.”
Son of a bitch. A stab of guilt shot through Dean like adrenaline and then faded into a dull throb. This was his fault. He was the one who kicked Cas out, and now he was a sad homeless human being who didn’t even know how to be a human being.
“Cas…. Listen to me, man, you can’t sleep in here.”
“Why not?” Cas turned around finally, and when his eyes met Dean’s, it was an unexpected wave of part relief, part guilt, and part pity that came through as a painful and powerful blow. “I’ve been sleeping here the past two weeks.”
Dean opened his mouth, then closed it again. He didn’t know what to say. Cas wasn’t asking for remorse; he wasn’t acting out for attention. He was simply stating the facts. But that didn’t mean it wasn’t killing Dean.
“Cas… you know you can talk to me, right? I’m here… if you got anything you need to… you know, get off your chest.”
Cas’ jaw moved a little, and Dean noticed him swallow. Dean’s eyebrows knit a little firmer, and Cas turned his head back to the building. He seemed to be working up a response, chest rising and falling more dramatically than before. Dean waited patiently, a pained expression unwittingly painted across his face simply from watching Cas struggle to control the hell he was feeling. Finally, Cas turned back around and Dean was struck to the core as he took in a novel sight- the fallen angel’s eyes, brimming and shining in the moonlight with tears about to fall. His voice was broken and ragged, and he spoke quietly, in a tone absolutely laced with fear.
“What’s happening to me, Dean?”
Dean just stared back at Cas hopelessly, wanting to fix this. He’d never seen Cas like this, and it was hurting him just looking at his friend in so much pain.
All he could say, in the gentlest voice he could, was, “I don’t know, man.”
Cas blinked in response, and as a result, the tears gently tracked down each cheek. His eyebrows twitched in confusion, and he raised a hand to touch the right side of his face, pulling it away wet and frowning at it as if it was something beyond his comprehension.
Dean watched, heart heavy with sympathy and face mirroring the pain Cas was in, as the angel’s eyes made their way back to Dean’s, already burning and welling with more fresh tears. It was obviously something out of Castiel’s control, and this time he raised both hands to wipe at his cheeks and his already-pink-rimmed eyes. Dean advanced a step, voice both gruff and gentle, “Cas, it’s alright. …It’s normal.”
Cas looked at Dean for a moment and then gave a little sob. The noise and heave of his chest alarmed him, and he looked down at himself as he fell apart, still not comprehending even as the tears came and his body shook with sobs.
That was enough, and Dean moved forward to pull Cas into a tight hold. He wrapped one arm around Cas’ middle, the other firmly across his back, right where his wings used to be. In response, and after a slight moment of hesitation, Cas slowly wrapped his arms around Dean, making choked sounds into Dean’s shoulder.
“Shh, man… hey, it’s okay… it’s okay, Cas…” Dean didn’t even know what he was saying, but it didn’t matter. He held Cas tightly as the broken man cried harder into him and he mumbled soothing phrases of nothing into Cas’ ear, trying to reassure him, comfort him, whatever Cas wanted to hear.
The two of them stayed like that for a while, Cas’ sobs none too mild but so quiet that they were almost unaudible, aside from the occasional intake of breath or soft cry of exertion. After what felt like forever, when Cas had calmed down somewhat, Dean opened his mouth slightly, hesitating a moment before speaking, eyes on their reflection in the dark window of the abandoned station.
“Cas… man, I can’t let you stay here tonight. Not like this, buddy.”
After a moment of pause, Cas pulled away slowly, puffy, teary eyes rising to meet Dean’s tentatively, almost shamefully. His voice was so uncharacteristically stuffed up and cracking and…human.
“No, Dean…. I shouldn’t have burdened you with my emotions. I’m just…” He closed his eyes for a moment. “I’m having trouble adjusting to this.” His gaze drifted a little to the side and he sniffed once. He looked like a lost child.
“It’s all so new to me… and now my nose is… making it difficult to talk…” His eyes shifted across the world to his right before finding their way back to Dean’s again. “That’s normal, right?”
“Yeah, it’s normal…” Cas nodded a little as if saying “..good…” and looked away again, nose beginning to run a little. Without looking back at Dean, he spoke in a stuffy voice. “I’m sorry about your jacket, Dean.”
Dean frowned in confusion, then looked down at his shoulder where Cas’ head had been nestled to find it soaked with tears. He looked back up at Cas, who was still studying the floor tiredly and sniffing, and after a brief pause of thought gave his friend’s shoulder a gentle slap. “Come on, Cas. Get back in the car.”
Cas looked up at Dean as he turned and opened the back door of the impala before facing his friend, one hand resting on the open door.
“But Dean….”
“Shut up and get in,” Dean interrupted, not in a harsh voice.
Cas sniffed one more time and then slowly made his way back to the impala, sliding into the backseat with another questioning look at Dean, who gave him a small, steady smile in response before shutting the door.
Dean crossed around to the other side before getting in and pulling out of the gas station parking lot.
“Dean, I don’t understand- what are you doing?”
“I said shut up, didn’t I?” Dean looked at Cas’ confused face in the rearview. “I’m not lettin’ you sleep in the gas station alone and hurting, man, that’s not what friends do.”
Cas fell silent as Dean drove for a minute then parked the car about a block down the street from the station. He killed the rumble of the engine and turned around in his seat. “I can’t take you back to the bunker, alright, but I’m not lettin’ you stay back there either. You’re sleeping in here tonight.”
Cas frowned. “This is silly, Dean. I’ll be fine on my own, I just-“
“You’re sleeping here tonight, got it? Good. End of discussion.”
Cas looked at Dean for a moment of quiet, with his sad, hopeless eyes.
“…thank you, Dean.”
Dean gave a little smile. “’S what I’m here for.”
For a small moment, a shadow of a smile graced Cas’ features as well before he leaned his head against the glass of the window and closed his exhausted eyes.
Dean watched him in the mirror. He didn’t know where Cas was headed to. Hell, he didn’t know if Cas would ever make it to wherever he was headed to. But he wouldn’t let him go off alone. Cas was lost in this world, but he was ready to fight to understand his new place here. And Dean was sure as hell going to fight with him.
Newly human Cas has no idea where he's headed. What I think might have happened in season 9 episode 6! Destiel or platonic hurt/comfort, you decide! <3 Spoilers for season 8/9!
© 2014 - 2024 DevianMONSTER
Comments3
Join the community to add your comment. Already a deviant? Log In
holster262's avatar
Awww this was just to cute and so adorable, loved the comfort and hugs :D